The Trouble With Valentine's Day

Ah Valentine's Day. If you believe the media, it is the bane of single folk and men world wide. There is yearly talk of conspiracy cooked up between the money sucking trifecta of Hallmark, flower purveyors and chocolatiers. And really, sometimes I tend to agree. For a holiday that is derived from either a martyred saint or a man speaking up for social injustice, I just don't see where partially naked, fat babies carrying compound bows fit into the picture of me going out to eat a steak dinner. But maybe I'm just wired funny.

My earliest memories of Valentine's Day centered around dragging my mother to the store to pick out the perfect valentines for my class. This was back in the day when food allergies were rare and every child needed to get a card. The old all or none gambit. And woe to the kid whose parents didn't believe in holidays or buying cards and candy for 24 strange children who wouldn't write them a thank you for it later. Hours would be spent at my classroom seat-desk constructing the perfect valentine mailbox to affix to the front of my mini cubicle in training.

Once the perfect cards were selected, (sometimes we bought more than one brand because one just couldn't seem to convey all that I wanted to say) I would spend hours (not exaggerating here) with the cards fanned out in front of me behind the couch deciding exactly who got what. You see, Valentine card selection is a science. First, you sort out the cards that are duds and the ones that are too cheesy. You will have an innate sixth sense as to which ones these are. Then you get down to business. In grade school, you need to be cool, but not seem like you are trying. You need to pick out the perfect card that will tell your secret 8 year old crush that you will love him or her forever, or until recess. But the card can't just come out and say that. Good heavens no. It has to say something like "You are the Beary Best" but convey with subtle subtext that you will love them with an undying love that means you will share your hot lunch pizza with them and not think twice about doing it. Once that task is completed, then you figure out which candy heart exactly to stick in the envelope with it. You can't seem like you are trying too hard you know.

And then, there is how to sign your name. Do you write in cursive or block letters? Do you add love or friends forever or just write your name and leave it at that? What if the weird kid who eats paste in the corner when the teacher isn't looking misunderstands the wording on your card and thinks that you want to become a paste eating partner. See, picking out valentines is hard work. I sorted those valentines like some middle aged men sort baseball cards. It drove my mom nuts and dad never did understand why I had to do it behind the couch and why it took so long. (The light was better behind the couch if you must know).

Then you reach those awkward teen years where you don't have to send valentines to everyone. But that makes things tricky. And then they add candy grams, flower deliveries and other things into the mix. I think they really want to give teens mental breakdowns. Then heaven forbid you actually have a boyfriend or girlfriend during this time. Are you a serious couple or just starting out? Do you send something sickeningly cute (for future reference, the answer is always NO) or do you send something neutral that can be taken any way the reader wants it to go.
I have gotten some real interesting things for valentines day from boyfriends. I still have some of them. My favorite though falls under the category I entitled, "Give the gift and then shut up."

My teen squeeze stopped me in the halls between bells and did the classic, close your eyes routine. When I opened them there was the prettiest braided white lace choker in his hand, with a silver heart pendant hanging from the middle. It was beautiful. And then he started talking and ruined it. As he was putting it on me, he mentioned that he had purchased it at a garage sale. (I was ok with that, wahoo, vintage). But he kept talking. He had purchased it a while ago. (Ok, so he had it laying around and still thought of me. I can roll with that.) Then came the kicker, I bought it at a garage sale, a while ago, when I was dating this other girl and meant to give it to her, but we broke up and when I saw it in my drawer I thought you might like it. Ok, he really meant well, and it was beautiful, and it wasn't a regift, but still. Least. Romantic. Thing. Ever.

Just say, oh look, I found this necklace, thought of you and happy Valentine's Day. The End. Sigh, boys are weird. Which leads to my second favorite Valentine's gift. I got it in kindergarten when I was sitting on top of the jungle gym. The boy crawled up, gave me two fake sapphire rings that he had gotten out of a quarter machine, announced that now we were married and then scurried away. It was weird. But they were a really pretty blue. There were two of them, and being married to him seemed to entail that I do nothing different that what I was currently doing, so what the heck. I still have those rings. They fit on half of my pinky finger but I love them and the funny memories that they evoke.

Yup, Valentine's Day for me is weird. This year is no exception. While grocery shopping for the evening meal, I was hugged by a complete stranger in the middle of the produce aisle. I don't think he mistook me for his lady love, I think he was just really happy and wanted to hug someone on Valentine's Day and there I was. Then, when I went to the gas station the attendant who has called me boring and seems put out upon having to wait on me, offered to be my valentine. It was weird. (I seem to use that word a lot this time of year)

Yup, Valentine's Day is kinda strange. But what do you expect from a semi made up holiday. Now that I am older, I take exception to the fact that there is this one day, where as a nation we have to love people more than we normally do. Like for the other 364 days out of the year we can neglect them and just skate by, but come Feb. 14th, whoa boy, you better love someone. And who decided that flowers, chocolate, hotel rooms, restaurants, lacy things, perfume, stuffed bears and copious amounts of the color pink were the best way to express this? Maybe it is because I think we should treat people special everyday. Maybe it is because I don't like being told that I have to do something. Maybe it is because I don't get to sit at a teeny tiny desk, with a chair bolted on and make a paper mail box to get cards from classmates.

I just hate when people feel stressed about a holiday. That takes all the fun out of it. If your wife is overloaded and stressed, take the kids out of the house for a while and draw her a bath before you go. Don't make your husband wear a pink tie and go to a tea house if the thought of that makes him squirm. Do a load of laundry unasked. Leave a note on the driver side seat of the car. Make some cookies. Make the bed. You don't have to buy stuff to make someone happy. Just listen and be there for them. The stuff is just icing.

Case in point, my favorite part of the day came from something unexpected. I baked a cake for my mom to take to a monthly lunch. It came back almost totally uneaten because everyone else had decided that Valentine's Day was a good day to bring sweets and with all the selection it barely got touched. (I promise that was the reason. I am a good cook and the cake was yummy. I may or may not have tasted a tiny bite of it before sending it with mom. Quality control measures don't cha know.) Now I was left with a cake that none of us felt like eating for the next month. So I suggested that she take it back to her hotel and give it to the front desk clerk to share with the night staff. She thought that they might take offense to being offered a used cake. But I pointed out that she was only offering a taste and if they didn't want it, they could pass.

She got to the hotel and offered it to the front desk clerk who teared up and wouldn't stop thanking her. It seems the clerk on staff tonight was the manager and he let his employees have the night off. He and his wife LOVE cake and hadn't had a chance to get one or to celebrate because he was working. Now they had a cake to share when his break time came and it just made his day. I teared up as mom told me this over the phone. Without planning it, we made some couples Valentine's Day special. I counted the day a total success just because of that. What a wonderful thing to fall asleep on. You never really know, where a day will take you. And it didn't require hours of pre planning, lots of money, stress or reservations. It was just a nice gesture from one human being to another. That is the way Valentine's and every day should be celebrated in my book. Who's with me!

Happy Valentine's Day! however you celebrate it.

February Time Vortex

It's funny how life jumbles you up. One minute you are sure, no, absolutely positive that you will be doing one thing, then BAM, suddenly you are doing something else. Back in October I fully planned on doing an October Thought every day of the month. I thought about the topics all year. I mulled them over all month. I wrote. I made it to the 30th and was feeling pretty proud that this year, I would make it. Then our house caught on fire and everything changed.

Oddly enough, it hasn't been all bad. Sure, precious things were lost. But the people and pets were all ok. True, I live a modified lifestyle that borders on perpetual camping, but it is kinda fun. The loss of the old, makes way for lots of new. And that isn't turning out to be such a horrible thing. It is kind of illustrating the metaphor that has become my life. Out of the ashes, something new and exciting is rising.

Way back in October, when I thought I had life all planned out, (and really, I should know better) I agreed to blog with a friend for the month of February. Looking three months away, sure, why not promise to blog. But last night, while I was lying awake watching the new month roll in, I realized that man, that time went fast.

For some reason February has taken on the traits that I usually associate with January. This might be because I spent all but 6 days of December being sick and January was more of a reprieve than a resolution. I didn't feel like starting new. I just felt happy to be breathing. But February, one of my throw away months (sorry all you February babies) is turning into a month of rebirth and new dedication. I feel like I am finally starting to get my life back in order. Like the newness of January was only a nebulous holding cell for me to wait and burst forth come February. I have never felt anything like it.

I was looking at my various calendars and realized that TONS of amazing things are going to happen in February. There is my 4th favorite holiday, Ground Hog Day! There is Ash Wednesday, a Valentines Dinner to go to, a bridal shower for a friend, the Super Bowl, the Oscars, Psych comes back on...ok, it seemed like there was more going on, but still.

I feel imbued with hope and possibility. I feel shiny and new. I feel like it is a new beginning. Like I said, I am a month off. These are usually my feelings for January. I think it is all a part of the calendar months trying to get back on my good side. See, Normally I find November and February throw away months. Each comes after spectacular months and are a bit of a let down. Kind of like the day after Christmas. But this year I felt a strong good will for November, and suddenly I am digging February. Who knew. February is the new black, and I'm going to wear it proud.
So come on February, let's see what you got!

**UPDATE** So, February proved to be a formidable foe. And only 6 days in. There is a slight change of plans. I will still blog in February, but it will be for Lent. I think a good time of reflection rather than love introspection will be a better blog topic. See you soonish.