In my short time on this earth, I have come to realize that there are some things I find scary that other people simply do not and visa versa. For example, I think poster people are looking at me. I find the Stepford Wives frightening beyond belief. I think older people in white cars are out to get me and that USA made for TV horror movies come true. But there is one thing that trumps all these fears, and that is bunnies. Bunnies are dangerous creatures all dressed up in fuzzy hippity hoppity fur to lull one into a sense of false security. But I am on to them.
I used to be one of the mindless "aww bunnies are so cute" masses. That is until two things happened. One, my friend got a pet bunny and it turned out to be a madly hopping psycho. I think it was really a werebunny. I have never seen a rabbit with that much shaggy fur. I have also never seen another rabbit actively chew its way through dry wall in order to escape confinement. That thing freaked me out and with good reason. I woke up one morning, turned over in my sleeping bag and there is was right next to my head with its evil nose a twitching, munching on computer cables. It had escaped from its cage and hopped over to me. I think it was trying to decide how best to eat my brains. I took one look at those little red beady eyes and screamed. That rabbit was not of this world and I never spent the night again.
The other thing to make me scared of bunnies was a kids book. Yes, I said a kids book. I have a rather overactive imagination if you haven't already guessed and this was enough to push me over the bunny paranoia edge. The title character goes by the name of Bunnicula. He is a white rabbit that was found in a movie theater (my kind of bunny so far) He has a black back (looks like a black cape) and a widows peak of black fur on his head. He doesn't like sunlight and sleeps most of the day (also like me) and likes to suck the juices out of the vegetables that he eats. When the family wakes up in the morning the carrots will still be whole and sitting in the cage, but they will be white in color because all the inside carroty juice has been sucked out via two little tooth holes. See, what did I tell ya. Bunnies are out to plot our doom.
Bunnicula is really not the main character though. He doesn't talk and the action doesn't revolve around him. Rather the family cat Chester narrates the whole thing. Chester is a bit of a conspiracy theorist and thinks that Bunnicula is a vampire rabbit (I tend to agree). The books revolve around all his crazy Wil-E-Coyote like plots to get the bunny out of the house. The poor rabbit never does anything except for drain veggies, but this just unnerves the cat.
I got started on these books way back in elementary school when we had book order days. After all, who wouldn't want to read a story about a supposed vampire rabbit that was found in a movie theater. And with titles like "Howliday Inn" and "The Celery Stalks at Midnight" I was a goner for sure. The books are not even remotely scary, but when I was a kid I had this habit of reading them on dark and stormy nights and I could get myself worked up real good. Bunnies after all can be very scary things. Like Anyanka pointed out in the musical episode of Buffy, "and what's with all the carrots, what do they need such good eyesight for anyway?" Yeah, why do bunnies to have to have good night vision and such sharp teeth. Hmmmm. Anyway, I still enjoy the series and read them every October.....sometimes other months too. After all, one can never have too many good books in October.
But I'm getting off track. The point is, forget about not letting a black cat cross your path. Beware of bunnies. Beware. If I really did see one in the corn maze the other day, I was lucky that I escaped with my life. Just imagine running into a werebunny in the middle of a corn maze at night. No thank you. So yes, I do enjoy reading about a vampire rabbit every October. But call it more constant vigilance and homework than reading for fun. When the werebunnies finally attack, and I fend them off, you can thank me later for all my selfless reading ;)
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