Ok, I promise, this is the last time I will write about a corn maze this year. I went to the final one today and while it wasn't the best of the best, it still was fun.
The maze and its complex didn't open until four which gave me a limited time to run around in since I didn't want to be there after dark. Hey, I watch movies, I know what happens to people in corn mazes after dark. One day I'm sure I will try it, but today was not that day. It isn't because I am scared, I just don't relish being lost in sharp corn in the cold for hours on end.
When it was my turn in line, I paid my fee and inquired about special pricing on something called The Creature. It is a giant inflatable lizard looking thing and you get to walk through it, which is right up my alley and is way cooler than I make it sound. So, as I haggled with the ticket attendant I felt a tap on my shoulder. The lady behind me said that she couldn't help but overhear my conversation, and had a free pass to the Creature that she could give me if I waited until after she had paid for her brood. I was tickled pink and agreed.
So sure enough, she paid for her kids and then went all the way back to the parking lot to get the free pass for me. It was an October miracle. I thanked her profusely, really an embarrassing amount and then I hightailed it to the Creature. It was marvelous. If you have ever wanted to experience what Jonah must have felt like, minus the sea water and smell with the addition of a few neon exit signs I highly recommend it.
While I was in the literal belly of the beast I moved off the path and sat down in a part of the stomach cavity. I listened to the pulse of the freeway outside and enjoyed the dark. I really could have spent an obscene amount of time in that thing. I think my favorite part was that in some places, you have to go through very tight openings. Like you are being squeezed through the Creature's intestines. It was AWESOME! I was so sad when it ended that I almost turned around and went back in. Other highlights included getting to see the Creature's heart and having to walk around the giant uvula. I can just imagine the dreams that I am going to have tonight.
Once the inner workings of the beast were explored I milled around a bit and checked out other attractions. I took a picture of a giant pumpkin man (I also may or may not have bought the accompanying stuffed toy of said giant pumpkin man). I looked at the actual fishing pond. I honked at the geese and contemplated freeing the bunnies. I wished I could be smaller so that I could go on the pony rides and I laid down on the corn beach an finally got to make my corn angels. Let me tell you, hardened corn kernels are the miracle beds of the future. I was so comfy that I almost fell asleep. I say almost because right before I was in danger of drifting off to dreamland a toddler fell on me and that was that.
I played a football tossing game against myself and won. I ambled over to the Field of Screams and took pictures of their warning signs and contemplated breaking in just to be contrary. Then it was down to maze business. I got my map, questions and game board and in I went............to the wrong maze. I walked around the mini maze first by accident. I was wondering why it was so short. Then I saw all the flags and the huge walkway leading to the giant maze and I felt a bit dumb. It turns out that was to be the high point of my maze going experience.
I must say, Phase 1 of the maze really kicked my patootie good. I think a large portion of the problem was the fact that I kept trying to use the map when I didn't really know where I was. At first I just wanted to have fun and do it without, but after I walked past stupid, wretched, awful, lowdown and horribly frustrating sign post three for the millionth time I started to feel a bit rageful. I'm pretty sure the maze was taunting me. The theme for this maze was Peter Pan and I must have spent a good half hour or more stuck in his left shoe with no end in sight. I still have no idea where sign post one or two got to, I never did find them.
While I was aimlessly wandering around and around sign post three, it began to rain on me and I vowed that if I ever did get out of the maze I was going straight to the refreshment stand to drown my frustrations in a large tankard of cider. Of course that didn't happen. Instead I opted to go into Phase 2 of the maze immediately. I'm a glutton for punishment. Phase 2 was much kinder to me after I yelled at it. I promised myself that I would follow the map and NOT end up in the section of the maze with sparkles. So of course I went straight to the sparkles. I stood in the middle of a really large one and yelled, OH YOU"VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME, then I almost slipped and fell down in the mud. But I didn't. I found my way around in record time. I found the second sky bridge and saw that I was at the farthest point in the corn from the entrance and daylight was fast fading. So I took a shortcut and reached the end of the maze just as the sun was sinking into a purple haze over the horizon.
It was fun. To celebrate my semi excellent survival skills I high fived a few scarecrows, went and chilled (literally) in the pumpkin patch and then went on a bone jarring hay ride with one of the children from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. He looked like Mike TV and acted like the snobby rich girl Veruca Salt. He actually told his dad "Daddy, I want a pumpkin. I want a pumpkin right now." And then he kept chanting it over and over. His older brother finally got him to be quiet, for which the whole wagon was happy.
After my hay ride I was a bit cold and figured that it was time to go home. So back I went to my horseless carriage and wound my way back through the hills in the dark.
All in all, despite the rain, slippery paths, and frustrating Phase 1 maze I had fun. I have a new pumpkin man toy, a cool new sweatshirt and an appreciation for warm fingers. It was a good adventure and I look forward to next year.
No comments:
Post a Comment