October Thought Day 2: Monsters, Part 1

The thought for today is about monsters, all sorts of random thoughts about them. Let's call it part one.

For instance, how cool would it be to go to a monster's party? To just casually hang out with all of your scary favorites like you were one of the gang. (Sometimes I have Medusa hair in the morning, so it wouldn't be that much of a stretch for me.) Would you be scared or excited to attend? Would you be an honored guest, or the main entrée/entertainment? Would you get nervous standing next to the Wolf Man, especially if he had something in his teeth? How cool would it be to do the Monster Mash with Frankenstein or hang out at the punch bowl with the creature from the Black Lagoon. What kind of games would you play at a monster's party? What would Twister look like with a hydra? Or a trivia night with the Sphinx. Or Hide and Seek with the Invisible Man. And what would they serve for refreshments? Hmm, better not dwell on that one too long. I think I've been watching Hotel Transylvania too much. Is it wrong that I have a fictitious place on my bucket list?

When I was looking at October décor last month I came across the most wonderful item. It was for a Halloween village and it was a miniature bumper car set that actually worked and had monsters driving the cars. I stood there and watched Dracula side-swipe Frankenstein and then get rear ended by the Mummy. It was AWESOME! I came thisclose to buying it, but if I had, I would have ceased to be a productive human being for the rest of the month. I absolutely know that I would just sit and watch the tiny monsters bump each other all day and daydream that I was in the miniature with them. But I mean, HOW COOL WOULD THAT BE! Going to an amusement park with monsters. I'll bet you would never have to wait in line. Unless it was a monster amusement park. But where would the fun be in that? They'd probably do mundane stuff like balance checkbooks or bake quiche. At my amusement park Dracula could hypnotize the carnival workers into giving me the giant stuffed toys, and I would feel totally safe being in the haunted house with Frankenstein. Nothing would dare jump out at us. And just imagine a roller coaster full of monsters. I am getting all giggly just thinking about it.

But back to the party theme, what if the monsters had a ball? What would the invitations look like? Would they be in fancy silver calligraphy and delivered by bats in top hats? Would a jolly jester turn summersaults and juggle them right up to my doorstep? Perhaps the Headless Horseman would deliver one and it would be in the form of a jack o' lantern that actually spoke the invitation. What would I wear to such a fabulous event and how would I travel? Would I wear a gossamer gown that was woven by spiders and looked like moonlight. Maybe the Bride of Frankenstein would go with me to get my hair done. Perhaps I would ride in a pumpkin carriage like Cinderella. Or be picked up in a hearse driven by a gargoyle. I know the party would be held at Castle Dracula and Igor would answer the door, or else a very stately zombie butler. I can just see the sconces and torchlight. The tasteful cobwebs, the specially tuned creaky doors and the paintings where the eyes follow you everywhere. It would indeed be a night to remember.

But why is it when we think of monsters they never live in the suburbs? Perhaps because that thought might be a bit too frightening. No, monsters live in easily identifiable houses that scream beware. Everyone knows they are either in secluded areas, falling down houses, or on top of mountains. But what if these monsters had a condo and Wi-Fi? Imagine a sleek ultra modern bachelor pad with a Roomba and killer stereo system. What would the Dominoes guy say when he delivered an extra anchovy pizza and a lizard man answered the door? Which gets me thinking, what would hipster monsters look like? Would the Wolf Man have a man bun, or Frankenstein wear glasses? Would Dracula go steampunk or the Mummy be into urban renewal and composting? I think I just scared myself.

I like my monsters just the way they are. I like the black and white, the tradition, the bolts and bats and capes. I like my castles without modern conveniences and with an abundance of creepy cellars. I like old fashioned carriages and telegrams rather than cell phones. Yes, I like my monsters just the way they are, and I wouldn't have them any other way. And if I ever do get to attend a monster's ball, I'll be sure to tell you all about it. Probably.