October Thought Day 2: Monsters, Part 1

The thought for today is about monsters, all sorts of random thoughts about them. Let's call it part one.

For instance, how cool would it be to go to a monster's party? To just casually hang out with all of your scary favorites like you were one of the gang. (Sometimes I have Medusa hair in the morning, so it wouldn't be that much of a stretch for me.) Would you be scared or excited to attend? Would you be an honored guest, or the main entrée/entertainment? Would you get nervous standing next to the Wolf Man, especially if he had something in his teeth? How cool would it be to do the Monster Mash with Frankenstein or hang out at the punch bowl with the creature from the Black Lagoon. What kind of games would you play at a monster's party? What would Twister look like with a hydra? Or a trivia night with the Sphinx. Or Hide and Seek with the Invisible Man. And what would they serve for refreshments? Hmm, better not dwell on that one too long. I think I've been watching Hotel Transylvania too much. Is it wrong that I have a fictitious place on my bucket list?

When I was looking at October décor last month I came across the most wonderful item. It was for a Halloween village and it was a miniature bumper car set that actually worked and had monsters driving the cars. I stood there and watched Dracula side-swipe Frankenstein and then get rear ended by the Mummy. It was AWESOME! I came thisclose to buying it, but if I had, I would have ceased to be a productive human being for the rest of the month. I absolutely know that I would just sit and watch the tiny monsters bump each other all day and daydream that I was in the miniature with them. But I mean, HOW COOL WOULD THAT BE! Going to an amusement park with monsters. I'll bet you would never have to wait in line. Unless it was a monster amusement park. But where would the fun be in that? They'd probably do mundane stuff like balance checkbooks or bake quiche. At my amusement park Dracula could hypnotize the carnival workers into giving me the giant stuffed toys, and I would feel totally safe being in the haunted house with Frankenstein. Nothing would dare jump out at us. And just imagine a roller coaster full of monsters. I am getting all giggly just thinking about it.

But back to the party theme, what if the monsters had a ball? What would the invitations look like? Would they be in fancy silver calligraphy and delivered by bats in top hats? Would a jolly jester turn summersaults and juggle them right up to my doorstep? Perhaps the Headless Horseman would deliver one and it would be in the form of a jack o' lantern that actually spoke the invitation. What would I wear to such a fabulous event and how would I travel? Would I wear a gossamer gown that was woven by spiders and looked like moonlight. Maybe the Bride of Frankenstein would go with me to get my hair done. Perhaps I would ride in a pumpkin carriage like Cinderella. Or be picked up in a hearse driven by a gargoyle. I know the party would be held at Castle Dracula and Igor would answer the door, or else a very stately zombie butler. I can just see the sconces and torchlight. The tasteful cobwebs, the specially tuned creaky doors and the paintings where the eyes follow you everywhere. It would indeed be a night to remember.

But why is it when we think of monsters they never live in the suburbs? Perhaps because that thought might be a bit too frightening. No, monsters live in easily identifiable houses that scream beware. Everyone knows they are either in secluded areas, falling down houses, or on top of mountains. But what if these monsters had a condo and Wi-Fi? Imagine a sleek ultra modern bachelor pad with a Roomba and killer stereo system. What would the Dominoes guy say when he delivered an extra anchovy pizza and a lizard man answered the door? Which gets me thinking, what would hipster monsters look like? Would the Wolf Man have a man bun, or Frankenstein wear glasses? Would Dracula go steampunk or the Mummy be into urban renewal and composting? I think I just scared myself.

I like my monsters just the way they are. I like the black and white, the tradition, the bolts and bats and capes. I like my castles without modern conveniences and with an abundance of creepy cellars. I like old fashioned carriages and telegrams rather than cell phones. Yes, I like my monsters just the way they are, and I wouldn't have them any other way. And if I ever do get to attend a monster's ball, I'll be sure to tell you all about it. Probably.

Day 19: My Favorite Monster

I am once again sitting out on the back porch, typing with my feet propped up against the fire grate. The flames are orangey-yellow with purple tinges and the full moon is big and bright over me. A little while ago, the neighbor girls started howling at the moon and I didn't want them to feel left out, so I howled back. It soon turned into a contest to see who could howl the longest and loudest. They did quite a good job. I am rather impressed. Now they have been sent in to bed and I am left with a bunch of howling neighborhood dogs who were very bothered by our yowling chorus. In short, it is another perfect October night.

But it gets me to thinking. Here it is, nineteen days into my favorite month and I have barely written about monsters. What better time than tonight! I love October monsters. I love the classics, I love the weird, I love the things that go bump in the night. My favorite monster of all is Frankenstein. I really couldn't say why. I think because he is the most misunderstood. Dr. Jekyll and the Invisible man did it to themselves. The mummy was cursed. I am scared of werewolves so the Wolfman is out and I have an irrational fear of the Creature from the Black Lagoon. I have always loved vampires, but that is a hipster post for another day. But Franky, he is a gentle giant. And if you read the original story, he is quite philosophical. Which is probably why I like him so much. And, to set the record straight, his name is NOT Frankenstein, he is called Frankenstein's Monster. He doesn't even merit a name. But I call him Franky anyway. How sad to not even have a name.

I love that his is pieced together and has big clunky shoes. I love his bolts and his greenish tinge. I love that his bride has gravity defying hair with a white streak and I love that he has partied with Abbott and Costello as well as sung Putting on the Ritz. He is a rather versatile monster.

But Franky isn't the only grisly ghoul that I love come October time. If you get into the natural world of October scaring there are black cats and toads, rats, spiders and snakes. But my favorite of the natural monsters is bats. I love that they use sonar. I love their shill squeaks. I love their leathery wings. Bats are just cool. They are right up there with platypuses. Weird and wonderful. I have a whole decoration box full of bats. (not the real kind that would be too creepy even for me) One of my favorite decorations is a fat stuffed bat with a bow tie that I call Batly. I know, not original, but I got him when I was 4 and it was the best I could come up with. At our old house he graced the front entrance hall doorway. He was a very dapper way to great guests. He was later joined by a rather rotund brown bat who lived in my room and a silk bat (also with a bow tie) who hung from our chandelier.

When I was quite small, a cartoon movie came out called The Great Mouse Detective. In it, there were a pair of rodents who were supposed to mimic Sherlock Holmes and Watson. But it was the gangster bat that I loved. He scared the pants off of me. I had nightmares for weeks. He had a cockney cap and a peg leg and a wicked snarl. I still get goose bumps when I watch it even now. But I love that bat.

After him came Bartok from Anastasia. What better character to have in a Christmas film about lost Russian royalty, than a wise cracking bat. He has some great one liners and I was able to procure a stuffed version of him in a McDonald's happy meal. I love him dearly.

Other than the giant vampire bats in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom and Batman, there have not been any other bats that I love to date. Today however, I ran into a rather fabulous stuffed black bat at the craft store. I didn't have enough pennies today to purchase him, but before the month is over, he will be mine. He will be right at home with my bat cereal, bat shirt and bat socks. As well as his other stuffed friends.

Yup, October monsters are rather wonderful. What is your favorite?