I have had haunted houses on the brain lately. Ok, haunted houses and
zombies. I just found out today, (today people this is not ok) that there is
something called a Zombie Hunt in my area. And I quote "Players armed
with paintball or laser tag guns will navigate the fields in order to escape
the zombie horde! Your team will be asked to wipe out the zombies and make it
to the decontamination zone to retrieve the antidote and save humanity." I
mean HOW COOL IS THAT! I want to go save humanity from the zombie hoard. I feel
it is my duty to go where I am needed and after all, humanity needs me.
I
also was re-reminded that there is such a thing as Escape Rooms. There are a few
in my hometown and this is the descriptor for one of them, "Prepare to be
locked in a room with up to 11 other people and a Zombie that is chained to the
wall! Hidden in the room is a key that will unlock the door to your freedom. To
find the key you must locate numerous clues and solve riddles. Every five
minutes the hungry Zombie’s chain will be released another foot. Within an
hour, the Zombie will be able to reach you. You have 60 minutes to the find
clues, solve the puzzles, unlock the door and escape the room without getting
infected! Are you smarter than a Zombie? Find out!"
I
want to find out. I want to find out. Pick me. Pick me. (jumps up and down over
in the corner frantically waving both hands). I mean, are they purposely
gearing these things to me? I think so and I appreciate it. Not all the escape
rooms are scary though. There is one that has to do with the American
Revolution for us nerdy history buffs, and one is in an arcade. I want to go so
bad or haven't I mentioned that?
Then
there is the Haunted World. I usually don't go for scary stuff like that. My
motto is, there are already too many actual freaks and weirdos out in the
world, and I don't need to seek them out. But this actually sounds kinda fun.
"The Haunted World is a 30 acre outdoor haunt. You will wind your way
through Gristle's cornfield and then make your way underground and into his 700
ft. dungeon of torture. If you can handle it, you will then pass through his
barnyard, and visit his ravenous animals. You will also visit Hacksaw Jim's
Stanky Cellar, Voorhee's Dilapidated Shack, Vertigo's Tunnel, and Cannibal
Lecter's Carnival of Pigs." And if that isn't enough fun, they have
something called Skullvania "which is an asylum gone wrong. Disturbed
patrons have checked in, never to check out! You will make your way through
each one of their rooms and experience firsthand what they experience daily.
May their souls rest in peace." I just got goosebumps and they are the
good kind.
I
think all this mania started when I was in the car and heard the radio
announcers mention a haunted house attraction that was so scary over half the
participants can't finish it. The haunted house is called the 17th Door and it
is scaring the pants off people. They are actually selling out of tickets and
then about 60% of the participants can't even finish the course. I don't know whether
to be impressed or really freaked out? You have to go room by room and
supposedly things escalate as you go. You have to sign a waiver at the start
and you are given a safe word if you can't go on. If you use the safe word you
are immediately taken out of the...event....attraction.....room? That does not
sound fun to me. I like to be scared every now and again, but on my own terms.
It says for this haunted house the actors get up into your personal space. NO
THANKS. If I wanted that I'd go stand in line at the DMV. Ok, I just looked it
up and HECK NO. The mere video of the place was disturbing. Those are some
sick, sick people. I don’t count that as fun at all. And they weren’t kidding
about the actors getting all up in your your business. I’d bring mace.
Ahhh
haunted houses. I do have a soft spot in my October heart for you, but mostly I
am thinking of the one back home with the cheesy velvet glow in the dark
paintings where the eyes follow you and they pipe in scary sounds through the
PA. Now we are talking my kind of scary.
Oh
October, you do have something for everyone.
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