Day 24: A Haunting Good Time

I have had haunted houses on the brain lately. Ok, haunted houses and zombies. I just found out today, (today people this is not ok) that there is something called a Zombie Hunt in my area. And I quote "Players armed with paintball or laser tag guns will navigate the fields in order to escape the zombie horde! Your team will be asked to wipe out the zombies and make it to the decontamination zone to retrieve the antidote and save humanity." I mean HOW COOL IS THAT! I want to go save humanity from the zombie hoard. I feel it is my duty to go where I am needed and after all, humanity needs me.

I also was re-reminded that there is such a thing as Escape Rooms. There are a few in my hometown and this is the descriptor for one of them, "Prepare to be locked in a room with up to 11 other people and a Zombie that is chained to the wall! Hidden in the room is a key that will unlock the door to your freedom. To find the key you must locate numerous clues and solve riddles. Every five minutes the hungry Zombie’s chain will be released another foot. Within an hour, the Zombie will be able to reach you. You have 60 minutes to the find clues, solve the puzzles, unlock the door and escape the room without getting infected! Are you smarter than a Zombie? Find out!"

I want to find out. I want to find out. Pick me. Pick me. (jumps up and down over in the corner frantically waving both hands). I mean, are they purposely gearing these things to me? I think so and I appreciate it. Not all the escape rooms are scary though. There is one that has to do with the American Revolution for us nerdy history buffs, and one is in an arcade. I want to go so bad or haven't I mentioned that?

Then there is the Haunted World. I usually don't go for scary stuff like that. My motto is, there are already too many actual freaks and weirdos out in the world, and I don't need to seek them out. But this actually sounds kinda fun. "The Haunted World is a 30 acre outdoor haunt. You will wind your way through Gristle's cornfield and then make your way underground and into his 700 ft. dungeon of torture. If you can handle it, you will then pass through his barnyard, and visit his ravenous animals. You will also visit Hacksaw Jim's Stanky Cellar, Voorhee's Dilapidated Shack, Vertigo's Tunnel, and Cannibal Lecter's Carnival of Pigs." And if that isn't enough fun, they have something called Skullvania "which is an asylum gone wrong. Disturbed patrons have checked in, never to check out! You will make your way through each one of their rooms and experience firsthand what they experience daily. May their souls rest in peace." I just got goosebumps and they are the good kind.

I think all this mania started when I was in the car and heard the radio announcers mention a haunted house attraction that was so scary over half the participants can't finish it. The haunted house is called the 17th Door and it is scaring the pants off people. They are actually selling out of tickets and then about 60% of the participants can't even finish the course. I don't know whether to be impressed or really freaked out? You have to go room by room and supposedly things escalate as you go. You have to sign a waiver at the start and you are given a safe word if you can't go on. If you use the safe word you are immediately taken out of the...event....attraction.....room? That does not sound fun to me. I like to be scared every now and again, but on my own terms. It says for this haunted house the actors get up into your personal space. NO THANKS. If I wanted that I'd go stand in line at the DMV. Ok, I just looked it up and HECK NO. The mere video of the place was disturbing. Those are some sick, sick people. I don’t count that as fun at all. And they weren’t kidding about the actors getting all up in your your business. I’d bring mace.

Ahhh haunted houses. I do have a soft spot in my October heart for you, but mostly I am thinking of the one back home with the cheesy velvet glow in the dark paintings where the eyes follow you and they pipe in scary sounds through the PA. Now we are talking my kind of scary.

Oh October, you do have something for everyone.

Day 7: The Joy of October

October to me is pure joy. I don’t know for certain when I really started to identify October with all that is good, (I think it was somewhere between 4^th and 6^th grade) but I know that in this month I am happier than at any other. That doesn’t mean that all is wine and roses in this most special of months, but I simply seem to have a different outlook on life. I’m energized and excited, cheerful, bouncy and an abundance of surprises managed to find their way too me. Yesterday was no exception.

I made up my mind on Friday night that since I had an honest to goodness day off for a change I would capitalize on it and excavate the storage pod that has been holding my decorations hostage for two years. I didn’t know what sort of shape I would find them in, I didn’t know how long it would take, but I would move every last box if it meant that this year all my stuff could be reunited. I really needed a “win” and I was going to manufacture one for myself.

I had visions of being crushed by all my precariously balanced boxes. I dreaded the hours it was going to take. I even dreamed of how I was going to move everything. I made an offhand remark to my roommate about it and when I got up the next morning she said she was ready for me to put her to work. She was going to help me get my stuff. I told her no, it would be really hard work and I appreciated it but it was too much to ask. She wouldn’t take no for an answer and cut to 3 hours later, not only do I have ALL my October décor, but I have all the rest of the holidays too. I can finally decorate again! Now to you that might not be a big thing, but to me it is. I can’t properly convey how wonderful this makes me feel. I was singing as we moved things. I was giggling and laughing and thanking her profusely. It took 4 trips to get it all back to the house, but it was so worth it.

After we got everything settled I put on some of my favorite October films, sat down on the living room floor and started unpacking things. I didn’t get as far with that process as I would have liked because I kept exclaiming over each thing, here was my monster mix-tape; there was my old plastic pumpkin. Over in that box was the dining room table décor that I had been missing. New treasures, old treasures, and as I sit in a glittery, spooky pile of décor I look around and wonder, where the heck is all of this going to go? I am so happy that I don’t think I will even care if this year is tacky. I want everything up. I want to sit in my cozy blanket and relive the memories. I want to feast my eyes for the time I have left of this wonderful month. I want to walk down memory lane, I want to share it with friends, I want to bask in the overabundance of October, and you know what, I’m going to.

 

To add to my decoration joy, tonight was the premier of my favorite zombie show. I got to watch it sitting amidst all my treasures. Then there was the most perfect orangey sunset that I have seen in a while. It must have read yesterday’s Thoughts because it was all different hues of orange and I put the show on pause and watched the splendor of it till the night descended into black. How marvelous. How wonderful, how October. Ok, enough of this, I’m going to go play with my decorations……

Day 4: Sounds of Halloween

Yesterday morning started out much the same as any other morning. Wake up, eat breakfast, get dressed, leave the house, get in the car and go to work, except for the fact that as I was pulling out of the driveway I turned on the radio and almost ran over my front lawn. The very first song to play was Thriller by Michael Jackson and it is one of my October jams! I squealed  loudly in excitement and hit the brakes. I cranked the radio to 11 and started groovin'. Michael Jackson isn’t one of my favorites, and the video for this particular song gives me both the heebies and the jeebies, but there is something about Thriller that really gets my October/Halloween vibe….vibrating.

I have loved the song Thriller since I first heard it. It came out in 1983 but that wasn’t the version I fell in love with. My dear mother bought me a Halloween mix-tape from Hallmark called “Sounds of Halloween” which had a dude dressed as Dracula on the front looking like he was either about to beat-box or he really was a secret service agent in disguise who was checking his earpiece and unsuspectingly got his picture taken. Either way, it is all sorts of goofy and I love it. In the town I grew up in, the Hallmark store was in a strip mall a few doors down from Payless which in turn was a few doors down from Safeway. Payless was a treasure trove of decoration bliss and was where I first fell in love with the Legend of Sleepy Hollow, but that is a story for another day. I don’t remember why mom was in Hallmark that day, but she came back with the tape and said she thought I would like it. Boy was she ever right. I’m still listening to it 30 some odd years later.

On one side of the tape is spooky Halloween sounds like witches cackling and cat people hissing, chains clanking and monsters roaring, it's both amazing and wonderful. On the other side is a bunch of famous Halloween songs sung by knock off bands. The third song is Thriller and I actually prefer it to the Michael Jackson version. If I could have the knock off with Vincent Price doing the monologue it would be the perfect song. 

Anyway, little 6 year old me was in love. I popped that mix-tape into my Care Bear cassette player, hooked it to the handlebars of my tricycle and motored around the neighborhood with it playing on repeat. Well, it played and when the song was over I hit rewind and played it again, and again, and again. I got really good at knowing just how long to hold the rewind button down before it went too far back into Ghostbusters (which is another favorite, but it is no Thriller). You really haven’t lived until you have seen a little girl with pig tails flying by on her tricycle singing about “grisly ghouls from every tomb who are closing in to seal your doom.”

But back to present day, I really got to moving and grooving to Thriller out on the open road and I got some chuckles from other motorists. The monologue is my favorite part of the song and I love the way Vincent Price pronounces the words. He has such amazing rounded tones and perfect diction. Until I looked up the lyrics a few years back, I never knew that the word “y’all’s” was even in his speech. I heard another alternative version of the song and heard them say that and I got mad because they were changing words and not doing it right. Imagine my surprise when I saw y’all in the original lyrics and then heard Vincent say it. I had somehow glossed over that fact. Now I get such a huge kick out of such a proper gentleman pronouncing dire tidings and using y’all’s. Ah it's the things that amuse me.

Unfortunately the radio station cut off Vincent’s laugh at the end which made me sad cuz I can cackle with the best of them, but I was pretty thrilled (no pun intended) that my morning started off so great. It got even better when I left for work at the end of the day. The very first song that came on the radio when I started up the car was Warren Zevon’s “Werewolves of London” which is another favorite October tune. Sometimes you just need to howl and this song gives you the perfect excuse. The lyrics are absurd (how exactly does someone “do” a werewolf of London), some disturbing (if involves a poor little old lady who doesn’t come to the best end) and some pretty cool(a werewolf drinking a pina colada at Trader Vick’s and his hair was perfect), but it’s the howling that I really enjoy.

My mother bless her heart, knew how much I loved my Halloween mix tape, so a about a decade or so ago, she bought me a Kidz Bop CD of Halloween songs, once again, from…..Hallmark. She was so pleased. I was pretty excited too. I put it on and the first song was tiny kids singing Werewolves of London and it creeped me out so bad I immediately took it out of the CD player, put it in the case and Frisbeed it into the garbage. It was like the Children of the Corn were singing me a lullaby and it was all sorts of awful. I never told mom what happened to the disc. I just made noncommittal happy noises when she asked how I liked it, then went right back to playing my mix-tape. Ahhhh.

Ok, I just paused in my writing to watch all 13 minutes of the Thriller video again. You know, it has always bugged me, what exactly is a thriller? Is he talking about a movie? Cuz I’m pretty sure that is what he means, but it’s kinda unclear. Six year old me figured thriller was the name a monster. Dracula, Frankenstein, the Mummy, Thriller, it makes sense....to a six year old. If there can be a Sharknado there can be a Thriller. And what on earth is Michael supposed to be in that video anyway? I get the zombie. He actually makes a super duper zombie. He has weird Gumby stick legs that move independent of his body. It is kinda cool, but what is his other monster? I’m pretty sure it is supposed to be a werewolf, but to me he looks like a werebunny or werecat. He has freakishly long whiskers and ears. It’s just weird. And coordinated dancing zombies are my favorite. I am totally certain that I could outrun them. And if they got too close all I’d have to do is play some sweet tunes and they would get distracted. I’d survive that kind of “thriller” no problem.

Ahh, two of my favorite October songs to bookend my day. What a treat indeed, and it isn’t even the 31^st yet.

October Thought Day 30: Scare Me, Scare You

I have had haunted houses on the brain lately. Ok, haunted houses and zombies. I just found out today that there is something called a Zombie Hunt in my area. And I quote "Players armed with paintball markers will navigate the fields in order to escape the zombie horde! Your team will be asked to wipe out the zombies and make it to the decontamination zone to retrieve the antidote and save humanity." I mean HOW COOL IS THAT! I want to go save humanity from the zombie hoard. Granted, I already did it once this month, but I feel it is my duty to go where I am needed and after all, humanity needs me.

I also was rereminded that there is such a thing as Escape Rooms. There are a few in my hometown and this is the descriptor for one of them, "Prepare to be locked in a room with up to 11 other people and a Zombie that is chained to the wall! Hidden in the room is a key that will unlock the door to your freedom. To find the key you must locate numerous clues and solve riddles. Every five minutes the hungry Zombie’s chain will be released another foot. Within an hour, the Zombie will be able to reach you. You have 60 minutes to the find clues, solve the puzzles, unlock the door and escape the room without getting infected! Are you smarter than a Zombie? Find out!"

I want to find out. I want to find out. Pick me. Pick me. (jumps up and down over in the corner frantically waving both hands). I mean, are they purposely gearing these things to me? I think so and I appreciate it. Not all the escape rooms are scary though. There is one that has to do with the American Revolution for us nerdy history buffs, and one is in an arcade. I want to go so bad or haven't I mentioned that?

Then there is the Haunted World. I usually don't go for scary stuff like that. My motto is, there are already too many actual freaks and weirdo's out in the world, I don't need to seek them out. But this actually sounds kinda fun. "The Haunted World is a 30 acre outdoor haunt. You will wind your way through Gristle's cornfield and then make your way underground and into his 700 ft. dungeon of torture. If you can handle it, you will then pass through his barnyard, and visit his ravenous animals. You will also visit Hacksaw Jim's Stanky Cellar, Voorhee's Dilapidated Shack, Vertigo's Tunnel, and Cannibal Lecter's Carnival of Pigs." And if that isn't enough fun, they have something called Skullvania "which is is a hostel asylum gone wrong. Disturbed patrons have checked in, never to check out! You will make your way through each one of their rooms and experience firsthand what they experience daily. May their souls rest in peace." I just got goose bumps and they are the good kind.

I think all this mania started when I began binge watching The Walking Dead and then it kind of took off when I was in the car and heard the radio announcers mention a haunted house attraction that was so scary over half the participants can't finish it. The haunted house is called the 17th Door and it is scaring the pants off people. They are actually selling out of tickets and then about 60% of the participants can't even finish the course. I don't know whether to be impressed or really freaked out? You have to go room by room and supposedly things escalate as you go. You have to sign a waiver at the start and you are given a safe word if you can't go on. If you use the safe word you are immediately taken out of the...event....attraction.....room? That does not sound fun to me. I like to be scared every now and again, but on my own terms. It says for this haunted house the actors get up into your personal space. NO THANKS. If I wanted that I'd go stand in line at the DMV.

Ahhh haunted houses. I do have a soft spot in my October heart for you. But mostly I am thinking of the one back home with velvet glow in the dark paintings where the eyes follow you and they pipe in scary sounds through the PA.

Oh October, you do have something for everyone.

October Thoughts Day 24: Here We Go Again

Yesterday I promised myself that I was not going to write about corn mazes again. This morning I promised myself that I was not going to write about corn mazes again. On the way to my third corn maze I promised myself that I was not going to write about corn mazes again. Once I was in the corn maze I.....well, you get the picture. It seems I just can't help myself. I really would have spared you another corn maze story, but this one, this was a set up to rival all others and I just can't keep such a wonderful October day to myself.

I set off early this morning directions in hand, ready for a new adventure. I had heard of this maze before but never gone. I was quite looking forward to it and my excitement was not without merit. Just turning down the main street to the place had me all aflutter. And once it came into view, I almost caused a minor traffic incident. The place was massive. It was like the Costco of corn mazes. There were a plethora of things to do and at ten o'clock in the morning the lot was already half full. By the time I left there must have been at least six or seven hundred people present, maybe even more. The sheer swarm of humanity made me think of Disneyland, but out in the middle of nowhere....and with corn.

I bought an all day pass which entitled me to try all the attractions and you had better believe that I partook. There was a sign post after the entrance that pointed to all the different areas. I wanted to do everything at once. But since I was there for the maze, I tried it first.

The small maze was over a mile and a half and I'm pretty sure I walked two or three. I was having so much fun I just kept going around and around and trying directions that I had missed.The attendant at the opening gave me a map to follow but I didn't pay it any mind until I got to the first checkpoint. It seems there were twelve total and you had to get a different hole punch at each. That set off my inner Indiana Jones and I KNEW that I had to fill up that card. Along the way I got to listen to other people walking around the maze. Most of the conversations centered on how lost they were. One was about someone building a house and another was a business deal. It is pretty funny. Corn is not concrete, other people can hear what you are saying.

I could see the zip line from various points in the maze and it looked like a guard tower. It was magnificent. I kept thinking it was a zombie lookout station. Then I got to thinking what would happen if everyone got turned into zombies while I was in the maze. What on earth would I do? What would I do if there were zombies in the maze? It was a pretty fun way to pass the time. The other in maze entertainment was a maintenance worker who was driving an ATV around the perimeter. There was an access road that went through and near the maze and he would go by with his siren on (reinforcing my zombie apocalypse fears) or he would drive by with this crazy laugh. I have no idea what he was doing, but it was pretty funny. Especially the siren bit.

For the big maze I decided to actually use the map that they provided. It was so much fun to see exactly where I was going, especially because the theme for the maze was Jurassic Maze and the small maze was a raptor and the big maze was a t-rex. So while I was traversing the big maze I would stop and realize, hey, I'm in the teeth right now. Now I'm in a claw. Trust me, it was way cooler than I make it sound. I did get all twelve of the holes punched and I did a little victory dance after I got the last one.

I have also decided that I need a new vocation. I need to be a professional corn maze guide. I got asked for directions five times today even though I wasn't a staff member. And amazingly enough I knew what directions to give each time. Yes, there was a map, but if you weren't really paying attention it was easy to go off in some weird direction. And if corn maze guide isn't a thing, then I think I need to be a professional corn maze critic. I can travel the world experiencing corn mazes and writing reviews of them. I would have even more fun than I do now. I would become world famous for my corn maze critiques and would write a surprise best seller. Ok, I seriously need to find this job.

But back to my adventures. Once my spaghetti legs finished the second maze it was time to visit the snack bar. They had everything you could ever want out at a corn maze. Cider, hot chocolate, water, cider donuts, fries, tater tots, candied apples, hot dogs, hamburgers, I could keep listing but really just imagine a county fair and you get the idea. And when the sign says you get your fries in a bucket, you really do get them in a bucket.

After that pit stop I decided to take it easy and ride the cow train. I was the only adult on this particular ride but my aching feet didn't care. From my vantage point in my bumpy cow I surveyed the other attractions. While on the slowest cow train ride known to man I had time to ponder and I have come to the conclusion that adults need to get over the adultishness and have more fun. Why do the kids get all the rides? They had an amazing corn kernel box that you could climb in and fiddle with the corn. It was like a ball bit with teeny tiny balls. It looked like amazing fun, and even though there was no sign saying adults couldn't  go in, only kids were in the box. I didn't want to be the weirdo adult who climbed in and started making corn angels so I had to leave that one alone. I'm still bitter about it. There was also a really cool chain swing that was just for kids that I would have loved to go on. Down with adult discrimination I say. We like bouncy houses just as much as the next kid.
But don't feel too sad for me though, I did get to go on this trampoline thing that required a harness. You were attached to two poles and the attendant had control of some sort of switch. I have no idea what it did, maybe made me bounce higher I don't know I was too excited to listen but I bounced like earth had no gravity. I sling-shoted up into the air and then gave a mighty bounce and did it again and again and again. I was so sorry that I had to get off. But there was a line of kids waiting.

After getting my bounce on I headed over to the mechanical bull. I have always wanted to ride one but my vertigo and sense of self preservation says no. I had no such qualms today and since no one else was on it or in line I asked the attendant if he could put it on the slowest setting and give me a go. He agreed and I took my very first ride. Now I'm not going to win any rodeos, but me and my geriatric bull had some fun. I waved my hands around, took the heckling of some passers by who said I should kick it up a notch and generally enjoyed myself. I wish I had had a cowboy hat or someone to record me. It must have been pretty funny to see me going .1 mile an hour, but I loved it.

Since I stayed on my bull and felt pretty tough I decided to go save the world from the undead. At the maze they had a separate section where you could go shoot zombies with paintballs Zombies....paintballs....I'm IN. Let's just say, my fears of being overrun were highly unfounded. You can all thank me because as of 12:01 this afternoon, the world is now safe from the undead hoard. You're welcome world. They don't call me Crack Shot McGillacutty for nothing. Ok, they don't but they sure could.

All that zombie killing had me thirsting for even more adventure so I made my final ride the zip line. They are very serious about their zip line safety at this place which I greatly appreciated. I had a safety lecture and had to wear a harness and everything. It made me feel very secure and official. I hooted and hollered and waved at the people in the maze as I zipped by and really hoped that I wouldn't hit the concrete blocks at the end. I survived and went one more time just to make sure that I had really, really liked it the first time. Yup, I did.

After the zip line was done the place was so jam packed that it was getting a bit less fun to be there so I opted to head home. I still have a smile on my face from all my adventures and I can't wait to do it all again next year. I now have a new favorite maze to patronize. Besides, someone has to keep the world safe from zombies and it might as well be me.

October Thought Day 11: October Sundays

Sundays in October are truly meant for Sunday drives. The world is awash in fall color, the temperatures are moderate with a slight breeze and there are things to see everywhere. Off to the side of the road there are the last remnants of yard sales, fall bazaars, kids playing soccer or touch football. There are decorations to ogle and farmers markets to visit.

Today was a perfect day for a drive. I put dinner in the crock pot for later (cream of pumpkin soup if you must know), filled up the gas tank and let the road take me where it may. I passed through sun dappled hollows, drove beside gurgling streams, chased the sunlight and generally enjoyed myself. I drove to the highest elevation I could find and sat on the tailgate and sipped pumpkin spice cocoa (what else would I be drinking) and read one of my October books. Once back on the road I rolled the windows down and belted out tunes on the radio. I waved at farmers out in the fields and passed passenger vehicles headed to the local corn mazes. It was a good day.

Back at home I slurped pumpkin soup with some grilled cheese, watched a zombie movie or two and settle in for the start of another wonderful October week. Yes, it was a good day indeed.