I have a thing about Werewolves. Ever since the movie Silver Bullet came out I have been terrified that furry beasties are lurking in the shadows ready to devour me. It didn’t help that I saw the film at a young, impressionable age. Upon later viewing the movie is utterly ridiculous. You can see the zippers on the back of the werewolf costumes for goodness sake. And yet, that has done nothing to lessen my irrational fear. It has also somehow blended itself in with the movie the Howling so in my mind they are one mega werewolf scare fest that has scared me for life.
I saw the film at a family friend’s house in broad daylight. They thought it
would be an amusing way to keep me occupied. Boy howdy. I didn’t want to move,
I was scared stiff. I imagined werewolves scaling the side of the building
coming to get me. I still do.
I have no problem with vampires, zombies, mummies, and various other things
that go bump in the night, but werewolves, werewolves send me running. Shudder.
I even get a bit scared at Michael Jackson’s Thriller video when he turns into
some sort of werebunny/werewolf thing. He’s only on screen all fuzzed out and
furious for 76 seconds, but it’s enough to send me diving for the covers, or if
I’m brave peeking through my fingers.
Over time I have mellowed a bit. I rather enjoyed the TV
series Teen Wolf. I watched the Wolfman (both versions) voluntarily and didn’t
get scared and I LOVE the French horror film Le Pacte des Loups (the
Brotherhood of the Wolf). One of my favorite October songs is Warren Zevon’s
Werewolves of London, more on that in a minute. I watched the movie Wolf with
my mom at a beach house, again in broad daylight. It was a great film but
scared the pants off of me. It was also where I learned the valuable lesson;
never shave your legs while watching a horror film. I looked almost as gruesome
as what was on screen. I still haven’t watched an American Werewolf in London.
It is a cinematic classic and I keep meaning to do it. I have seen bits of it,
but just haven’t been brave enough to actually watch the whole thing. Maybe
that will be my goal this year. (ok, it’s been rented, now all I have to do is
screw up the courage to watch it. DEEP BREATH)
But more about Werewolves of London. It’s a great song. It
gives me an excuse to howl while driving, not that I needed one. Mom once
bought me a copy of Halloween songs sung by this children’s group KidZ Bop or
some such. After listening to children sing the song I turned it off halfway
through totally creeped out. I never listened to it again. But the actual song
doesn’t bother me, it should, but it doesn’t. It does raise some questions though.
1)
How does one “DO” the Werewolves of London? Do
you ruffle your hair up, use claw hands and go, grrrrrrr?
2)
What does perfect werewolf hair look like? In my
minds eye, it’s all pomaded and slick and shiny. I have no idea what Warren
Zevon thinks.
3)
3a) Why do werewolves like to live in London? Is
it because the colonies have Bigfoot who is their slightly redneck cousin and
they are embarrassed to be around him?
3b) Even though they are all murdery,
apparently no one seems to care that they walk around in broad daylight ordering
Chinese food and hanging out with the Queen. Just how many werewolves are we
talking about here? And seriously, they are ripping out lungs and killing old
ladies, how is this not a problem?
4)
In the song there is a lyric that goes“he saw a
werewolf drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic’s.” In my mind it translates to
Trader Joe’s and that is the ONLY reason I ever wanted to go there. Once I went
it lured me in with all it’s seasonal pumpkin goodness, but I never would have gone
if it hadn’t been for the song.
5)
What on earth prompted Warren Zevon to write
about Werewolves and why did he make the song so happy? Not that I’m
complaining.
So that is my irrational phobia in a nutshell, what’s yours?
Footnote: I googled “Werewolf In A Suit” thinking I would find some dapper beasty to put up with this post. Nope. Nope. Nope. I ended up scaring myself again. This is why you get a cute kid in a slightly menacing costume instead. It was all my poor nerves could handle. Wait, what was that noise……….
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