Day 8: Irrational Fears R Us

I have a thing about Werewolves. Ever since the movie Silver Bullet came out I have been terrified that furry beasties are lurking in the shadows ready to devour me. It didn’t help that I saw the film at a young, impressionable age. Upon later viewing the movie is utterly ridiculous. You can see the zippers on the back of the werewolf costumes for goodness sake. And yet, that has done nothing to lessen my irrational fear. It has also somehow blended itself in with the movie the Howling so in my mind they are one mega werewolf scare fest that has scared me for life. 

I saw the film at a family friend’s house in broad daylight. They thought it would be an amusing way to keep me occupied. Boy howdy. I didn’t want to move, I was scared stiff. I imagined werewolves scaling the side of the building coming to get me. I still do.
I have no problem with vampires, zombies, mummies, and various other things that go bump in the night, but werewolves, werewolves send me running. Shudder. I even get a bit scared at Michael Jackson’s Thriller video when he turns into some sort of werebunny/werewolf thing. He’s only on screen all fuzzed out and furious for 76 seconds, but it’s enough to send me diving for the covers, or if I’m brave peeking through my fingers.

Over time I have mellowed a bit. I rather enjoyed the TV series Teen Wolf. I watched the Wolfman (both versions) voluntarily and didn’t get scared and I LOVE the French horror film Le Pacte des Loups (the Brotherhood of the Wolf). One of my favorite October songs is Warren Zevon’s Werewolves of London, more on that in a minute. I watched the movie Wolf with my mom at a beach house, again in broad daylight. It was a great film but scared the pants off of me. It was also where I learned the valuable lesson; never shave your legs while watching a horror film. I looked almost as gruesome as what was on screen. I still haven’t watched an American Werewolf in London. It is a cinematic classic and I keep meaning to do it. I have seen bits of it, but just haven’t been brave enough to actually watch the whole thing. Maybe that will be my goal this year. (ok, it’s been rented, now all I have to do is screw up the courage to watch it. DEEP BREATH)

But more about Werewolves of London. It’s a great song. It gives me an excuse to howl while driving, not that I needed one. Mom once bought me a copy of Halloween songs sung by this children’s group KidZ Bop or some such. After listening to children sing the song I turned it off halfway through totally creeped out. I never listened to it again. But the actual song doesn’t bother me, it should, but it doesn’t. It does raise some questions though.

1)      How does one “DO” the Werewolves of London? Do you ruffle your hair up, use claw hands and go, grrrrrrr?

2)      What does perfect werewolf hair look like? In my minds eye, it’s all pomaded and slick and shiny. I have no idea what Warren Zevon thinks.

3)      3a) Why do werewolves like to live in London? Is it because the colonies have Bigfoot who is their slightly redneck cousin and they are embarrassed to be around him?

3b) Even though they are all murdery, apparently no one seems to care that they walk around in broad daylight ordering Chinese food and hanging out with the Queen. Just how many werewolves are we talking about here? And seriously, they are ripping out lungs and killing old ladies, how is this not a problem?

4)      In the song there is a lyric that goes“he saw a werewolf drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic’s.” In my mind it translates to Trader Joe’s and that is the ONLY reason I ever wanted to go there. Once I went it lured me in with all it’s seasonal pumpkin goodness, but I never would have gone if it hadn’t been for the song.

5)      What on earth prompted Warren Zevon to write about Werewolves and why did he make the song so happy? Not that I’m complaining.

So that is my irrational phobia in a nutshell, what’s yours?

Footnote: I googled “Werewolf In A Suit” thinking I would find some dapper beasty to put up with this post. Nope. Nope. Nope. I ended up scaring myself again. This is why you get a cute kid in a slightly menacing costume instead. It was all my poor nerves could handle. Wait, what was that noise……….

Day 25: A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words…..

…..and since that is pretty close to what I normally write, whew, you get some time off for good behavior.

It seems more and more that those in the retail life like to promote holidays before their time, because of that, there have been a few memes and pictures that I have had since August and they are what I am going to talk about today.

I had to go back and look at my picture files because Christmas has been creeping in like a red and white stripped ninja. I see whole aisles dedicated to the holiday, Hallmark starts their Christmas countdown this weekend and last night, one of my coworkers was singing Christmas carols while he cleaned up. Not ok. So not ok, and not just because they are rushing the issue, but poor Thanksgiving gets left out yet again and it’s not even Halloween yet. I’m all for celebrating, but don’t keep rushing us. Let us enjoy the season we are in for a change.

So, as a reminder that we are still in fact in fall, here are few of my favorite pics from this year.

1)      Do Not Feed Hallucinogens to the Werewolves – I like this for obvious reasons. It has a werewolf in it with flying mushrooms and it looks like an actual park sign. It tickles my October funny bone. Werewolves are scary enough they don’t need to be drugged on top of it.

2)      Pumpkin Spice Cologne Pumpkins – I mean come on, pumpkins trying to fit in and wearing pumpkin spice. How meta.  A little pumpkin patch humor for you to start your day with.

3)      The Cereal Aisle – I found this early in the month and what made me really happy, despite the fact that there was lots of monster cereal, was the fact that below it was pumpkin spice cereal. Oh October and your pumpkin spice commercialization….never change.

4)      Cold Stone Boo Licious Ice Cream – it combines all my favorite things, black ice cream, Cold Stone, candy and October play on names. I haven’t had any yet, but it is on my bucket list.

5)      And Speaking of Ice Cream- Ben and Jerry should get some sort of Nobel Prize for holiday deliciousness. I’m sure it’s a thing. I have tried to find this limited edition but it appears to be a very limited edition or else has an invisibility cloak because I have not run into it yet.

6)      Pie Puns in Ads- I mean, is there anything better? I agree wholeheartedly with the caption above.

7)      Decorations – one of my friends sent me this. It isn’t the choice I would make for my yard, but it brings me joy nonetheless. They have a pirate ship on their front lawn and I love the little creatures along the front fencing. I would stop at your house for candy and give you a blue ribbon.

8) Pumpkin Boat Races - I mean COME. ON! First they grow ginormous pumpkins, then they hollow them out like canoes and THEN they race them. (waves hands frantically while jumping up and down to get attention) I am SO in!

Ahh, doesn’t that make you feel more fall like? What fall pictures do you have to share?

Day 10: Monstrous Musings

Yesterday was windy and blustery and lent itself well to curling up by the fire and reading a little October literature, so I dug out my big box of October books and did just that. I rediscovered all sorts of treasures, especially a poem titled ‘The Werewolves Den.’ It is found in a book called Scarum Fair (awesome title by the way) by Jessica Swaim.  I think a little poetry is just what Doctor Jeckyll ordered for today’s October Thought.

The Werewolves Den

Are you sick from too much I-Scream?

Is the carnival too loud?

Then curl up in our den awhile,

escape the raucous crowd.

If you'll come a little closer, 

we will nibble on your nose,

we'll lick your hands, your face, your ears

your scrumptious little toes.

Like our friendly canine cousins,

we're a cute and cuddly bunch. 

Just think of us as puppies, 

and we'll think of you as....lunch.

This poem is what made me buy the book in the first place. On the page where this poem is, is an illustration of were-puppies getting ready to nibble on a boys toes. Trust me, it isn't a scary picture, it is really quite funny and cute, and frankly, if the kid was dumb enough to go into a werewolves den in the middle of a creepy carnival then he deserves to be dinner. 

Three tiny paragraphs and I'm hooked. First of all, I hate, hate, hate werewolves. They creep me out to no end which is why reading about them is so fun.  Odd how my mind works, isn't it. If I was the child in this poem I would in no way, shape or form trundle off to a werewolves den. Firstly, talking animals are not to be trusted. Secondly, if a carnival is too loud, I am going back to my nice cozy home where there is a bubble bath and cookies. Thirdly, NO WEREWOLVES. Do not pass GO, do not collect $200, just run. Run far, run fast and toss dog treats or other innocent civilians behind you to slow them down.

They tell the child in the second paragraph that they are going to nibble on him. I mean, have some sort of sense of self-preservation kid. But that last line, so funny. Yup, that kid totally gets what he deserves.

But now that I think about it, my puppy does the exact same thing. His favorite pastime is chewing on my fingers. And he does lick me a lot.....aww man, I have a were-puppy who is going to nibble me in my sleep. I guess there are worse ways to go and like I said, I suppose I deserve what I get.

While I was reading other poems in the Scarum Fair my mind wandered and I got around to wondering how would a mummy handle a spa day? I mean, if it signed up for the seaweed wrap, would it use fresh bandages or put the new ones on top of the old? How would the spa attendant react to wrapping or unwrapping a mummy? I'll bet there would be a lot of hazard pay involved. This is just one of the many things I ponder about monsters. Like can vampires tell the difference between blood types? Is one spicier than another? Does the werewolf see a doctor or a vet? How does the Frankenstein monster buy clothes when all his parts come from different people? Would living in a really big aquarium be considered living in a condo for the Creature from the Black Lagoon? I'll bet the people at the fair could tell me. So many questions. So few answers. Sigh.

Day 4: Sounds of Halloween

Yesterday morning started out much the same as any other morning. Wake up, eat breakfast, get dressed, leave the house, get in the car and go to work, except for the fact that as I was pulling out of the driveway I turned on the radio and almost ran over my front lawn. The very first song to play was Thriller by Michael Jackson and it is one of my October jams! I squealed  loudly in excitement and hit the brakes. I cranked the radio to 11 and started groovin'. Michael Jackson isn’t one of my favorites, and the video for this particular song gives me both the heebies and the jeebies, but there is something about Thriller that really gets my October/Halloween vibe….vibrating.

I have loved the song Thriller since I first heard it. It came out in 1983 but that wasn’t the version I fell in love with. My dear mother bought me a Halloween mix-tape from Hallmark called “Sounds of Halloween” which had a dude dressed as Dracula on the front looking like he was either about to beat-box or he really was a secret service agent in disguise who was checking his earpiece and unsuspectingly got his picture taken. Either way, it is all sorts of goofy and I love it. In the town I grew up in, the Hallmark store was in a strip mall a few doors down from Payless which in turn was a few doors down from Safeway. Payless was a treasure trove of decoration bliss and was where I first fell in love with the Legend of Sleepy Hollow, but that is a story for another day. I don’t remember why mom was in Hallmark that day, but she came back with the tape and said she thought I would like it. Boy was she ever right. I’m still listening to it 30 some odd years later.

On one side of the tape is spooky Halloween sounds like witches cackling and cat people hissing, chains clanking and monsters roaring, it's both amazing and wonderful. On the other side is a bunch of famous Halloween songs sung by knock off bands. The third song is Thriller and I actually prefer it to the Michael Jackson version. If I could have the knock off with Vincent Price doing the monologue it would be the perfect song. 

Anyway, little 6 year old me was in love. I popped that mix-tape into my Care Bear cassette player, hooked it to the handlebars of my tricycle and motored around the neighborhood with it playing on repeat. Well, it played and when the song was over I hit rewind and played it again, and again, and again. I got really good at knowing just how long to hold the rewind button down before it went too far back into Ghostbusters (which is another favorite, but it is no Thriller). You really haven’t lived until you have seen a little girl with pig tails flying by on her tricycle singing about “grisly ghouls from every tomb who are closing in to seal your doom.”

But back to present day, I really got to moving and grooving to Thriller out on the open road and I got some chuckles from other motorists. The monologue is my favorite part of the song and I love the way Vincent Price pronounces the words. He has such amazing rounded tones and perfect diction. Until I looked up the lyrics a few years back, I never knew that the word “y’all’s” was even in his speech. I heard another alternative version of the song and heard them say that and I got mad because they were changing words and not doing it right. Imagine my surprise when I saw y’all in the original lyrics and then heard Vincent say it. I had somehow glossed over that fact. Now I get such a huge kick out of such a proper gentleman pronouncing dire tidings and using y’all’s. Ah it's the things that amuse me.

Unfortunately the radio station cut off Vincent’s laugh at the end which made me sad cuz I can cackle with the best of them, but I was pretty thrilled (no pun intended) that my morning started off so great. It got even better when I left for work at the end of the day. The very first song that came on the radio when I started up the car was Warren Zevon’s “Werewolves of London” which is another favorite October tune. Sometimes you just need to howl and this song gives you the perfect excuse. The lyrics are absurd (how exactly does someone “do” a werewolf of London), some disturbing (if involves a poor little old lady who doesn’t come to the best end) and some pretty cool(a werewolf drinking a pina colada at Trader Vick’s and his hair was perfect), but it’s the howling that I really enjoy.

My mother bless her heart, knew how much I loved my Halloween mix tape, so a about a decade or so ago, she bought me a Kidz Bop CD of Halloween songs, once again, from…..Hallmark. She was so pleased. I was pretty excited too. I put it on and the first song was tiny kids singing Werewolves of London and it creeped me out so bad I immediately took it out of the CD player, put it in the case and Frisbeed it into the garbage. It was like the Children of the Corn were singing me a lullaby and it was all sorts of awful. I never told mom what happened to the disc. I just made noncommittal happy noises when she asked how I liked it, then went right back to playing my mix-tape. Ahhhh.

Ok, I just paused in my writing to watch all 13 minutes of the Thriller video again. You know, it has always bugged me, what exactly is a thriller? Is he talking about a movie? Cuz I’m pretty sure that is what he means, but it’s kinda unclear. Six year old me figured thriller was the name a monster. Dracula, Frankenstein, the Mummy, Thriller, it makes sense....to a six year old. If there can be a Sharknado there can be a Thriller. And what on earth is Michael supposed to be in that video anyway? I get the zombie. He actually makes a super duper zombie. He has weird Gumby stick legs that move independent of his body. It is kinda cool, but what is his other monster? I’m pretty sure it is supposed to be a werewolf, but to me he looks like a werebunny or werecat. He has freakishly long whiskers and ears. It’s just weird. And coordinated dancing zombies are my favorite. I am totally certain that I could outrun them. And if they got too close all I’d have to do is play some sweet tunes and they would get distracted. I’d survive that kind of “thriller” no problem.

Ahh, two of my favorite October songs to bookend my day. What a treat indeed, and it isn’t even the 31^st yet.