Day 8: Irrational Fears R Us

I have a thing about Werewolves. Ever since the movie Silver Bullet came out I have been terrified that furry beasties are lurking in the shadows ready to devour me. It didn’t help that I saw the film at a young, impressionable age. Upon later viewing the movie is utterly ridiculous. You can see the zippers on the back of the werewolf costumes for goodness sake. And yet, that has done nothing to lessen my irrational fear. It has also somehow blended itself in with the movie the Howling so in my mind they are one mega werewolf scare fest that has scared me for life. 

I saw the film at a family friend’s house in broad daylight. They thought it would be an amusing way to keep me occupied. Boy howdy. I didn’t want to move, I was scared stiff. I imagined werewolves scaling the side of the building coming to get me. I still do.
I have no problem with vampires, zombies, mummies, and various other things that go bump in the night, but werewolves, werewolves send me running. Shudder. I even get a bit scared at Michael Jackson’s Thriller video when he turns into some sort of werebunny/werewolf thing. He’s only on screen all fuzzed out and furious for 76 seconds, but it’s enough to send me diving for the covers, or if I’m brave peeking through my fingers.

Over time I have mellowed a bit. I rather enjoyed the TV series Teen Wolf. I watched the Wolfman (both versions) voluntarily and didn’t get scared and I LOVE the French horror film Le Pacte des Loups (the Brotherhood of the Wolf). One of my favorite October songs is Warren Zevon’s Werewolves of London, more on that in a minute. I watched the movie Wolf with my mom at a beach house, again in broad daylight. It was a great film but scared the pants off of me. It was also where I learned the valuable lesson; never shave your legs while watching a horror film. I looked almost as gruesome as what was on screen. I still haven’t watched an American Werewolf in London. It is a cinematic classic and I keep meaning to do it. I have seen bits of it, but just haven’t been brave enough to actually watch the whole thing. Maybe that will be my goal this year. (ok, it’s been rented, now all I have to do is screw up the courage to watch it. DEEP BREATH)

But more about Werewolves of London. It’s a great song. It gives me an excuse to howl while driving, not that I needed one. Mom once bought me a copy of Halloween songs sung by this children’s group KidZ Bop or some such. After listening to children sing the song I turned it off halfway through totally creeped out. I never listened to it again. But the actual song doesn’t bother me, it should, but it doesn’t. It does raise some questions though.

1)      How does one “DO” the Werewolves of London? Do you ruffle your hair up, use claw hands and go, grrrrrrr?

2)      What does perfect werewolf hair look like? In my minds eye, it’s all pomaded and slick and shiny. I have no idea what Warren Zevon thinks.

3)      3a) Why do werewolves like to live in London? Is it because the colonies have Bigfoot who is their slightly redneck cousin and they are embarrassed to be around him?

3b) Even though they are all murdery, apparently no one seems to care that they walk around in broad daylight ordering Chinese food and hanging out with the Queen. Just how many werewolves are we talking about here? And seriously, they are ripping out lungs and killing old ladies, how is this not a problem?

4)      In the song there is a lyric that goes“he saw a werewolf drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic’s.” In my mind it translates to Trader Joe’s and that is the ONLY reason I ever wanted to go there. Once I went it lured me in with all it’s seasonal pumpkin goodness, but I never would have gone if it hadn’t been for the song.

5)      What on earth prompted Warren Zevon to write about Werewolves and why did he make the song so happy? Not that I’m complaining.

So that is my irrational phobia in a nutshell, what’s yours?

Footnote: I googled “Werewolf In A Suit” thinking I would find some dapper beasty to put up with this post. Nope. Nope. Nope. I ended up scaring myself again. This is why you get a cute kid in a slightly menacing costume instead. It was all my poor nerves could handle. Wait, what was that noise……….

October Thought Day 16: Would You Rather Part 2

Because I have more in common with Rip Van Winkle today, you get another Would You Rather, with a twist.

1)      Eat hair soup or a slimy booger cupcake?
Um, neither. I’m gagging just thinking about these options. I supposed I’d pick the hair soup, but if the boogers….nope, nope I can’t even type it. Next question.

2)      Have to trick-or-treat forever or live in a haunted house forever?
Does the haunted house have cable and electricity? Can I get food delivered? Are the haunted bits more like Casper than the Shining? Cuz if it’s Casper and cable then I’m all for the haunted house. But if it’s run down and spooky then I had better pick the trick-or-treat option cuz I’m gonna need food somehow. Unless I’m a ghost. Am I a ghost? Wait, trick-or-treating doesn’t happen all day long. I could live my life and then go out at night to get candy. But is it Halloween every night or am I randomly going to people’s houses on say Christmas or a Tuesday? Cuz that’d be weird. Ok, haunted house it is. Hmmm, that’s not how I thought I’d answer that question.

3)      While trick-or-treating get only candy corn and Smarties or only raisins and Dots?
Man, that’s tough. I’m gonna go with raisins and Dots. Again, not how I thought I would be answering that question.

4)      Have a black cat cross your path or walk under a ladder?
Black cat. I haven’t met a midnight kitty yet that I don’t want to immediately cuddle. Walking under ladders is just weird and dangerous.

5)      Go on a date with a vampire or the Frankenstein monster?
That’s a tough one. I love Franky, but I don’t think he’d be much of a conversationalist. On the other hand, Vlad would talk and talk but I fear I might be what’s on the menu. Better stick with Franky.

6)      Spooky or cute?
Depends on my mood. Right now I’m gonna go with spooky. No surprise there.

7)      Dark and stormy night or crisp clear fall day?
Again, it depends, but I’m gonna go with dark and stormy at the moment. You’re all shocked I know.

Well, that was short I thought there would be more questions I could find. It seems October would you rather isn’t as popular as I had thought. Here are some other random questions that I found.

8)      What is your favorite Halloween themed song?
Oooh, that’s hard. It’s a five way tie between Warren Zevon’s Werewolves of London, Sam the Sham’s Little Red Riding Hood, the Bach Toccata and Fugue in D minor, Thriller, and Van Morrison’s Moondance. I can’t pick just one, I can’t. Oh my goodness, MONSTER MASH. It has to be Monster Mash. How could I forget?

9)      Name something you wouldn’t want to run into in a dark forest or in an abandoned building. Um, I’m gonna go with “What is a monster that is bent on eating me for $500 Alex.” Anything that wishes me harm, be it man or beast I don’t want to run into it. Oooh an even better answer, a figment of my imagination. I have a pretty healthy imagination; I wouldn’t want to run into anything that I can conjure up. But wait, it would be a figment and therefore could not hurt me. I’m going back to my original answer.

10)   Are you superstitious?
Not really. But would I really tell you if I was ;)

11)   Do you prefer gore or thrillers?
Thrillers. It is much scarier to make one think. Gore is unnecessary. Sure, it’s horrible, but look at Rear Window, Psycho, Buried, or Jaws. Not lots of gore or any at all and they still shock and scare. Gore is the cheap way out and I’m not impressed.

12)   Ever made of potion of any sort?
Yup. I decided to make a concoction out of flour, water, baking soda, sugar and crackers in my grandfather’s microwave while he was out running errands. I had back smoke pouring out of the kitchen and I melted the plastic plate I was cooking it in. I’m not sure what kind of potion I was going for, but I’m pretty sure it didn’t have the intended effect and I was banned from using the microwave.

13)   If you got trapped in one scary movie which would you choose?
Ha ha ha, Casper. Hey, the question didn’t stipulate that I had to find the movie scary. I’m sure someone was scared of Casper.

14)   In a zombie apocalypse what is your weapon of choice?
My mind…..or a really big knife. Unless I can choose a gun with an unlimited supply of bullets. Then I choose that. I’m more of a fortified bunker kind of gal.

15)   Are you the one who gets scared or the one who does the scaring?
Heh heh, what do you think ;)

16)   How old were you when you saw your first scary movie?
6? It was pretty young, and I really shouldn’t have seen it. The same goes for the one that I snuck and watched when I was 9. Lifelong irrational phobias let me tell you.

17)   If you could have a spooky Halloween pet, what would it be?
It’s a tie between a bat, a raven or a wolf. I would pick a black cat but they aren’t scary and neither are owls. Not many people have pet bats. I pick a talking bat.

18)   What was your first Halloween costume?
The first one I had was a bunny. The first one I remember was a horrible hand-me-down clown costume that I wore for years and hated with a fiery passion. The first one I had any say on was a flapper. Man I loved that fringe dress.

19)   Orange and black or purple and green?
O and B all the way. Nothing beats the original.

20)   If you were in a horror movie, are you the final girl, the first to die, the comic relief, the skeptic, the smart one or the killer?
 I’ll let you decide. Mwahahahahah

Ok, your turn. I can’t wait to hear your answers.

October Thought Day 15: Oops and Poems

Wow, I didn't realize that I had gotten behind. I guess time really does fly when one is having fun. Remember how I said that I wouldn't share any Halloween poetry until the end of the month. Yeah, I lied, but it was just a teeny, tiny orange one. Today was officially the halfway point in October and I think a little poetry is just what Doctor Jekyll ordered.
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This poem comes from a book called Scarum Fair by Jessica Swaim.

The poem is titled The Werewolves Den

Are you sick from too much I-Scream?
Is the carnival too loud?
Then curl up in our den awhile,
escape the raucous crowd.

If you'll come a little closer,
we will nibble on your nose,
we'll lick your hands, your face, your ears
your scrumptious little toes.

Like our friendly canine cousins,
we're a cute and cuddly bunch.
Just think of us as puppies,
and we'll think of you as....lunch.

This poem is what made me buy the book. On the page where this poem is, is an illustration of were-puppies getting ready to nibble on a boys toes. Trust me, it isn't a scary picture, it is really quite funny and cute and frankly, if the kid was dumb enough to go into a werewolves den in the middle of a creepy carnival, then he deserves to be dinner. 

Three tiny paragraphs and I'm hooked. First of all, I hate, hate, hate werewolves. They creep me out to no end which is why reading about them is so fun.  Odd how my mind works, isn't it. If I was the child in this poem I would in no way, shape or form trundle off to a werewolves den. Firstly, talking animals are not to be trusted. Secondly, if a carnival is too loud, I am going back to my nice cozy home where there is a bubble bath and cookies. Thirdly, NO WEREWOLVES. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200, just run. Run far, run fast and toss dog treats behind you to slow them down.
They tell the child in the second paragraph that they are going to nibble on him. I mean, have some sort of sense of self preservation kid. But that last line, so funny. Yup, that kid totally gets what he deserves.

But now that I think about it, my puppy does the exact same thing. His favorite pastime is chewing on my fingers. And he does lick me a lot.....aww man, I have a were-puppy who is going to nibble me in my sleep. I guess there are worse ways to go and like I said, I suppose I deserve what I get.

While I was reading other poems in the Scarum Fair my mind wandered and I got around to wondering how would a mummy handle a spa day? I mean, if it signed up for the seaweed wrap, would it use fresh bandages or put the new ones on top of the old? How would the spa attendant react to wrapping or unwrapping a mummy? I'll bet there would be a lot of hazard pay involved. This is just one of the many things I ponder about monsters. Like can vampires tell the difference between blood types? Is one spicier than another? Does the werewolf see a doctor or a vet? How does Frankenstein buy clothes when all his parts come from different people? Would living in a really big aquarium be considered living in a condo for the Creature From the Black Lagoon? I'll bet the people at the fair could tell me. So many questions. So few answers. Sigh.